Kid Rock

Kid Rock rolled his million dollar bus into Toronto Saturday night and even though he was sick as fuck, he still seriously kicked ass. The Kool Haus was packed full of eager Kid Rock fans, some new, some old. With only 2200 seats, this proved to be a real intimate venue for a guy who normally sells out 10,000 seaters or more. One’s gotta wonder just how popular Mr. Rock is when part of the guest list includes Mike Meyers, Verne Troyer, The Trailer Park Boys, Will Smith and lo and behold everybody’s favourite party asshole, Paris Hilton. Yes, ladies n gents, thee Paris Hilton even showed up backstage here in Toronto causing the security boys to bust a nut all over the onlookers and Paparazzi. Ooops. Did I say the P word? Well fuck me if they didn’t kick ME out of the parking lot cuz I was the only one with a pro camera out of the 40 people waiting for an autograph or a brush with the rich n famous. I WAS the Paparazzi. You’d think with only one guy quietly snapping the odd pic, they’d let it go? Hell no. It wasn’t like I was yelling at them for a picture and carrying some asshole flash unit that can stun a deer at 400 ft. As soon as Verne Troyer came out of the building riding on some guy’s shoulders, security went even MORE nuts than they did when Paris left the building. I said to the one security guy who ever so cordially escorted me out of the parking lot, “in the States there are people who MAKE A LIVING shooting little events like this but in Canada, a guy can’t even do it just for himself!!!!! NICE!!!” I mean how often do you get the Paris Hilton’s and Verne Troyers of the world hanging out in Toronto anyway?? Probably more than I know of cuz I aint in the loop pal. OK, granted I probably would have hocked a loogie or at least heaved a mouthful of chewed up hot dog at Paris’s non-existent cleavage just to say I spat on her in front of everybody, but did they REALLY need to kick ME out of the parking lot to stop the world (you guys on my mailing list) from seeing a snapshot of Paris and that little mutant mini-me? I think considering I was the only one there that could even be referred to as a “photographer”, they’d let me go nuts. Especially if they knew the uphill battle I was fighting. My camera doesn’t focus worth shit in the dark. I often don’t even get a shot off cuz the fuckin thing just won’t shoot unless I put it in manual mode. Then it’s all up to my tired old eyes to manually focus, in the dark, so the results are nothing short of SHIT. You’ll see when I show you the shots I managed to get. Now even though I went to this show, it started off really badly cuz for the first time EVER I didn’t even get my camera into the show. Worse than that, I didn’t even get to shoot my wife who signed up to sing Karaoke before the show, essentially opening for Kid Rock. There was no opening act but they had a guy with a Karaoke machine spinning tunes for people to sing and all they had to do was go to the side of the stage to sign up… well if my wife didn’t go running off as soon as they announced it and get herself into that line up!! Not only that, she signed up to sing Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin!!!! Even though she changed the lyrics to Bobby Ritchie, nobody noticed cuz the volume was less than audible on that microphone. Probably a good thing. Let’s put it this way, only ONE person DIDN’T get booed off the stage and that lucky person wasn’t my wife. As the rowdy audience threw empty cigarette packs and other debris at her she gave em the finger and told em “fuck you assholes, I got to open for Kid Rock!!!!” THAT you could hear. I was so proud of her! That was my drunk little baby up there shakin her tits n ass and trying to sing for us!! First time I ever took the rock star home after the show!!!! So after the amateurs left the stage, out came Bobby.

He fired it up with Rock n Roll Pain Train and took us on a historic tour of his tunes from beginning to end. It never ceases to impress me the way he picks up every instrument on stage and gives them a whirl without missing a beat during the tune that always eludes my burnt memory banks. I was told Bob was feeling really shitty so not to expect much but I honestly couldn’t even tell he wasn’t fully functional. This was the first show in YEARS I endured WITHOUT my camera. I felt naked. I didn’t feel like ME. But ya know what? I actually had a good time. The last time I was at a show without my camera was in 2001 at the Aerosmith show which introduced me and my wife to Kid Rock. At THAT show I managed to get some good shots of Bob, but they spotted me and took away my camera just after Aerosmith took the stage. I was bummed right out. 7^th row, no camera, Steve Tyler and Joe Perry, loogie distance away. I COULDN’T enjoy the show. Every pose I couldn't shoot, I cringed and fell to my knees coughing and gasping at the missed shots. By the time I left that show I was a deflated coma victim. This time, I said fuckit. I got my camera checked at the door like a coat, it's safe, and it’s the first time in 6 years this has happened. FUCKIT. I love Kid Rock and goddamn it I aint gonna let this ruin a great show. So I fuckin rocked out. Yes people, the Rebel Reviewer had BOTH hands in the air for this show. No I don’t have ANY live shots to show you but for once in my concert shooting “career” I Fully Completely ENJOYED the show. My wife dove into the pit and bashed her way to the front of the stage and got there. She’s a fuckin trooper. No little prissy ass Paris Hilton, more like a white Queen Latifa. Get the fuck outta her way if she’s comin through or yer ass is gettin hillbilly stomped. She was hanging over the railing at the front of the stage staring Kid Rock right in the face for the last part of the show. That’s my baby. One of the first concerts I took her to was Rob Zombie and she proved herself more than worthy enough to stand with me in any mosh pit. I hung back with her friend who was dressed to kill and looking to get backstage to meet Bobby. After the show, the girls managed to weasel their way into the backstage area but got caught and taken out the back door. So close but yet so far… What fuckin shit disturbers we are eh? So I’m gonna end this review with the same shit I been saying all along and a quote from Black Bob. If you haven’t seen Kid Rock yet, you’re missin the fuckin boat. Get your ass out to the big show next time it rolls into town, the show with all the bells n whistles. This was just a wee little club tour to kick off the release of the new album. ‘Rock n Roll Jesus’ was released barely a week ago, and what an album it is. This guy only gets better with time. Nevermind the single they’ve been pumping out in heavy doses on the radio, that’s the fuckin weakest tune on the album in my opinion. The real meat n potatoes are yet to come to the limelight. Mark my words. Kid’s got a few hits on this album and we’ll ALL know about them soon enough. Just to let you know what kind of dude Kid Rock is, he had all those stars waiting to party with him, Paris, Will Smith, Mike Meyers, the Trailer Park Boys etc, he was sick as a dog and he STILL made time for the fans. That speaks volumes. This guy had every excuse in the world not to hang around hobnobbing with nobodies but he took the time to make a group of fan's day. Signing autographs, a few kind words, a handshake a few photos... he didn't have to do that. If it looks good, you’ll see it. If it sounds good you’ll hear it. If it’s marketed right, you’ll buy it. But… If it’s real, you’ll feel it.

Amen.

I've been going to Sarnia's Bayfest for years now and I must say that this was by far the biggest turnout they've had yet. Every trailer park boy from here to Mackinaw City showed up to this gig. We got there around 5pm, a little worried that we were late and not gonna get a good spot. Once we arrived, got our tickets and stood in line, we were informed that the earlier show, Billy Talent, had been delayed by about 2 hours because of a torrential downpour and lightning. Now of course I wasn't at Billy Talent but I've linked you to their show that I did shoot. This being the 3rd time I've seen Kid Rock, I was wondering out loud if he was gonna do the same old shit. Ya know the what's my name? Then the tossing of the fur coat representing his rebellion against the bling bling society of assholes who show off their money by purchasing shitloads of jewelry, custom clothes and exotic cars. He DID do the "what's my name?" thing, but then it wouldn't be a Kid Rock show if we didn't have to yell out his name 50 times or so... Thankfully, he dropped the fur coat bit. It was cool the first time I saw it. He actually made me cheer big time seeing him toss this huge, white fur coat off to the side in defiance. Second time I saw it, I thought it was tacky as fuck and immediately rolled my eyes. But then I thought, hold on a second. What about all the people who are here tonight who haven't seen him before? Maybe the coat thing was a real significant statement, so significant in fact that it defines Kid Rock as a person? It would be like going out to see KISS and Gene decides he doesn't wanna blow fire or spit blood anymore. Whoa. That just wouldn't be a Kiss show would it? It would be like going to see Marilyn Manson and not getting treated to the bible ripping scene. It would be like going to see AC/DC and not getting mooned by Angus! Maybe Kid SHOULD keep the coat tossing event in there. For the first timers... Anyway... it was fuckin hot there that day... like 30 some odd degrees Celsius, that would be over 100 Fahrenheit for you Yankees out there! Plus add in the humidity and yer lookin at a motherfucker of a heat wave, sometimes reaching upwards of 40 degrees Celsius, which Southern Ontario has been going through for damn near a month at the time of this writing.

So my wife and I get in there kinda early and head for the front. We got up to within 5 rows of the front barricade with a great view and waited... and waited... and waited. We had to wait through the opening act's sound check which seemingly took forever. Finally they come out and played some damn fine music, none of which was familiar to me, but they did really well pumping up the audience for Kid's show. Once Kid Rock hit the stage, we had worked our way to about the 3rd row and after a few near fistfights and a bunch of arguing, dug into the trenches and prepared to battle for position. We held our position just fine but unfortunately a couple dickheads behind me kept jumping up and down and landing on me every two seconds so holding the camera steady was almost impossible. Even after throwing a few elbows to hopefully gain a bit of space, it didn't gain us any room so the shots suffered tremendously. Then this old fucker who looked at LEAST 50, came sailing in over our heads. The old bastard was crowd surfing for Christ sakes!! I couldn't believe my fuckin eyes. He rode over our heads and landed right on this big native chick who let him fall on his back. As soon as he hit the ground this chick and her whole crew started pounding the old fuck, kickin the shit outta him. I felt sorry for him but what a knob. If he would have just got up and got the hell outta there, he woulda been ok but he kept trying to jump back in and fight this whole pile of pissed off Indians... Bad move buddy. He wasn't no fuckin John Wayne either... more like Relic from the Beachcombers. (If you don't know who that is, fuck ya) So this giant gorilla of a security guy reaches over the railing, grabs the guy around the neck and starts pulling him out but he's still fighting to get back into the torture chamber. Dumb old asshole... so I grabbed his feet and lifted the guy off the ground just enough to give the security guard the leverage to get Relic outta there. You gotta realize, this isn't even song THREE yet!!!!

Already dripping with sweat and exhausted but NOT gonna give up my spot, I snap a few shots and hold ground for a bit and then IT happened. The guy with the hose gets me directly in the face and I can't see anything from here on in... I'm wearing my glasses and I got nothing to wipe the fuckers off with! Kid Rock turned around and wiped his face on a plain white towel, twisting it up and throwing it into the crowd... the target... my wife! She grabs onto this towel and starts a tug o' war with about 4 other people... everyone pulling in a different direction. 2 people drop off and it's just her and some guy. Remember I couldn't see fuck all so I didn't even know this was happening. Til she turned around and yelled "I got the towel!!!!" HUH? What the fuck is she talking about... then it dawns on me that Kid musta thrown a towel and she's got her meat hooks on it. Well, that's like tossing a steak dinner to a starving Ethiopian. She aint gonna part with that!! So I ask her, how bad do you want it? Fuckin BAD. OK... I grab on to the towel too. Now there's only us and another couple tug o' warring over this towel.... for a fuckin half an hour!!!!! I haven't worked that hard for anything in my life and I was starting to get worried cuz I had 3 heart attacks 2 years ago and I'm not supposed to be doing stressful shit, or overexerting myself. I'm thinking fuck it. If I go down tonight, I'm doing exactly what I wanna be doing. Front and centre at one of my favourite performers and I'm fighting for some piece of memorabilia for my beautiful wife... how fuckin noble!!! How romantic!!!! How fuckin DUMB!!!! To make a long story even longer, we kicked ass and got that towel... adorned with bloodstains from the LOSERS of that battle!!! But most importantly, the sweat from Mr. Rock's face. Well that was it... I couldn't stay in that area anymore. I was totally wiped out and I needed water BAD. I worked my way out of the crowd which was a pain in the ass, and stood back for the rest of the show. Kid played all the favorites. The sound was perfect, he had the huge crowd in the palm of his hands. What a night. He must have been surprised that showing up in, of all places, the little wee Canadian town of Sarnia, and finding such a huge crowd. I would estimate at least 40,000 or 50,000 people there. That place was packed from front to back. No room to move at all. So these are the only few good shots I got, thanks to the knobs from London for jumping on me the whole time. Actually they knew every word to every tune and deserved to be up there kicking ass so I don't hold nothing against em! But I still gotta at least give em some verbal abuse... Hopefully the shots from my real camera turned out better. These were the cheesy digital photos. In closing I'd like to say again, if I haven't said it before, go see Kid Rock. You will NOT be disappointed!

Is it coincidence or just pure LUCK that Kid picked Canada as his hideout on Sept 11 this year? Hmm... he did mention "his Canadian FRIENDS" and we should all be "PROUD of where we come from" ... Key word SHOULD. Kinda hard to be proud when you have a primate for a fuckin president don't ya think? But then the trailer park ain't far from the caves is it? Of course he had to be friends with us on 9/11.. nobody's gonna fuck with Canada... EVERYONE FUCKIN LOVES US!!!! Alright.. I'm not gonna turn this into a slam the fuck outta Bush page or the 101 reasons why Canada fucking rules page either. But I should.

So we go to see our beloved little buddy Kid Rock again. This time without any flashy headliner like Aerosmith. Kid all on his own. How can he hold up WITHOUT the BIG name drawing the BIG crowd? Damn fine if you ask me. Even though there were a pile of empty seats at the Amphitheatre this time, it wasn't NEAR as bad as the last time I saw Motley Crue in the same venue. Now THAT was empty. This was one of the more dangerous shows I'd been to in a long time. There were plenty of sleazy cougars that coulda reached out and scratched, or fucked the shit outta ya without any notice and enough cleavage to smother a few dozen football teams in.

Many spiked heels coulda easily popped holes in yer wee toes and I was thinkin with all the ho's around here, where's da pimps? Quite scary indeed. There were a LOT of hammered fuckers there. I wasn't one of them THIS TIME.

Now as much as my wife and I love Black Bobby and his crew, we just couldn't get over the fact that his show was almost identical to the last time we saw him. Only a few tunes changed but he proved AGAIN that he's one talented motherfucker... oh and we never met one like him either. He needs to get a couple more gimmicks or something in line cuz a couple of his toys are starting to break down and get a bit cheesy and boring. The whole "what's my name" thing is gettin' REALLY old. We KNOW yer fuckin name Bob. I ain't SAYING it AGAIN. And that COAT thing is just TOO cheesy. The first time ya see that, it's pretty cool, kinda funny. If yer really STONED it MEANS so much more but for the straight people, it's just fuckin EXTRA OLD CHEDDAR!!! Everyone's a fuckin critic right? Don't get me wrong. We still love Bob. Even though he aint fucking the baddest bitch in the world any more. We still wanna hear our favourite kid. Cool things that happened: He came out and announced Canada's World Cup win over the Czechs right before he was gonna sit down and play "Picture".

But after that wee bit of news that sent the crowd into the biggest uproar of the night, he said " I can't play a slow song NOW." Then the Twisted Brown Truckers (Guitarists Kenny Olson and Jason Krause, Drummer Stefanie Eulinberg, Bassist Aaron Julison, Keyboardist/Etc Jimmie Bones, DJ Dime, Singers Karen Newman and Laura Creamer and Slide guitarist Smith Curry) cut into Led Zeppelin's 'Rock n Roll' and a full set of steam rolling, ass kickin, heavy shit. Totally changed the setlist at the drop of a hat. Very cool. Another cool thing, someone from Belleville threw a Canadian flag up on the stage and he picked it up and showed everyone, draped it over his shoulder and played a tune with a REAL flag on his body for a change. He also mentioned at that time that it was cool to see we are proud of our country and that we SHOULD be. Not a typical statement from a Yankee I must say. BTW, when they did get back to playing "Picture", Stefanie the drummer SANG the tune REALLY WELL. All in all... another damn fine show, with real fuckin loud explosions that my ears are STILL ringing from, lotsa flames, lotsa bikini wearing, cage dancing rippers, and lotsa nice smelling stuff in the air...

I think it was pot-pourri. Or was it just pot?

Umm... I'm gonna shut the fuck up now and let you get to the pictures.

We went to see Aerosmith but walked out HUGE fans of Kid Rock that night. Next day we bought both his "Devil Without A Cause" and "Cocky" CDs and they were in constant rotation on our CD changer. The best line I can think of how to describe him is from his own lyrics. "Yeehaw, Motherfucker, Let's Rock". Country, Ghetto, Trailer Park Boy. He fuckin rules and he knows it. As much as my wife and I love Aerosmith, we both had to agree that this fucker showed 'em how to do it all over again. I had no idea Kid Rock was as BIG as HE thought he was. And IS. He's only getting bigger and better. With such a diverse musical taste, he is the only performer I know who can kick your ass, rap with the homies and kick some shit. The guy has performed with all kinds of acts. Sheryl Crowe, Eminem, Hank Williams Jr., Tommy Lee (right before he fucked Tommy's wife), Snoop Dogg,..... the list goes on and on.

Not only are we huge fans of Kid Rock but he also has a special little connection with our little town of Guelph, Ontario.

It was in Guelph that the Hat-Trick was invented cuz after a hockey player got 3 goals in one game everyone would take off their hat and throw it on the ice. What does that have to do with Kid Rock you ask? Guelph is the home of the infamous Biltmore Hats factory which probably comprised a good portion of those hats littering the ice. What the fuck does THAT have to do with Kid Rock you ask again? WELL... LET ME TELL YOU SONNY!!!!! Quit asking me so many questions!!! Kid Rock used to have his own line of Biltmore hats such as the Beaver Bob fedora but has since stopped producing them.

Yeah we're proud of our little hat company. And so is Kid Rock. I'm gonna start wearing a Fedora. Let's bring back the Fedora. What the fuck... lets bring back the Fedora AND the long ass trench coat. We can all look like Humphrey Bogart and pick up speech impediments. Or we can go with the CLASSIC fashion statement Kid likes to make: The Fedora/Adidas look. Bitchin...

Kid Rock Official Web Site

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